Mental Health Day May 19, 2008

I’ve been away for a few days. Not physically away, really, but mentally. I had a bit of a breakdown on Thursday night, and didn’t end up getting any sleep at all that night. When I woke up on Friday morning, all I could think was that there was just no way that I could face the world that day. I called out of work, and went back to bed for a few more hours.

I spent most of Friday just…thinking. About all the things in my life that are good, and all the things that are not-so-good. About the fact that I feel like I can’t get along with anyone at all right now. About the fact that I feel dissapointed by everything and everyone. And about the fact that, unless I do something about all of this right now, it was all threatening to consume me, and ruin all the good things I’ve worked so hard for – my career, my friendships, my relationships with my family.

Normally, my reaction when I am depressed and upset is to run off to the mall and buy things. Or, even better, to hit all the favorite places online and order a bunch of clothing, books and who knows what else that I don’t really need, all in an effort to make myself better. And, yes, I think that buying things would have temporarily lifted my mood, probably more than the self-analysis and realizations did, but in the end, clearly, its not the healthy decision. In fact, the stress of being in debt is just another factor that is making me unhappy right now.

So, I thought about things, long and hard. I thought about what was worth taking a stand for, and what I needed to let go, to find some peace for myself. And I stayed off the internet, because in some ways, it is just not healthy. There are too many temptations – to spend, to gossip, to jump to conclusions.

I’m not saying that I’ve got it all figured out, but I woke up this morning feeling more productive and at peace than I have in a long, long time.

Working for Free April 10, 2008

One of the things that I both admire, and that drives me absolutely crazy about my boyfriend is his dedication to his job. He has been at his current job almost 2 years – its a position not even remotely in his degree field at the University he graduated from. For the amount of student loans that he owes, and the amount of work he actually does, he is woefully underpaid. We’ve discussed this many times, and he is well aware that some of our mutual plans for the future hinge on him getting a job that will allow him to pay his own way. And yet, because he is comfortable in the current job, he stays.

The other thing that he does that drives me insane has to do with work emails. He bought an iPhone last year, and immediately put his work email account on it, despite not being on salary, or even expected to do something of the sort. He regularly checks the emails every time they beep, no matter what time of day or night it is, and no matter what other things we might be doing. He works an untypical schedule that has his days off as Thursday and Friday, and just told me today that he has already answered 15 emails today! I told him that he needs to take his work email off his phone, and stop letting this job take advantage of him. It would be different if this were a career position, that had the chance of going anywhere, or if it were salaried. But it is neither of these things, and I feel like he is giving away his free time when he does this.