The bed that BF built December 9, 2008

Back before BF and I moved in together, I was living with my grandmother. This had originally been intended to be a temporary thing, but I ended up staying for close to 3 years. When I first moved in, I was staying in her guest room, on the ancient and increasingly uncomfortable double bed. About a year and a half ago, when it didn’t seem like I was leaving anytime soon, I decided to purchase myself a new mattress and box spring, and ditch the bed frame in favor of one of those bare minimum frames, to make a little more room. Everything went well, except….the minimal frame was on wheels. On a hardwood floor.

It was a constant adventure about the moving bed. Things would fall down behind it and get seemingly lost forever. Blankets constantly needed to be re-adjusted. When we made plans to move, one of the things that BF and I both agreed on was that we needed a real bedframe, and quickly.

It was a pleasant surprise, then, when we moved into our new place and realize two things – 1. That our new bedroom was carpeted and 2. That the wheels on the bed frame locked into place. If I had known this, I might have saved myself a lot of irritation over the past year. But, regardless – I was now content to not spend any more money and just deal with the bed frame as it was, particularly since we’ve been tentatively planning to purchase a larger, Queen sized mattress in the semi-near future – in a year or 2, perhaps. I figured that we could just get a bed frame that would make up both happy then.

Oh no, says BF. Sometime in September, he decided that he wanted a project. He is an engineer by trade (and by nature), and quickly got to work sketching out plans to create a bed. He bought the wood, and the screws, and borrowed some tools from his father, and spent the better part of a weekend working on it. After a few weeks, he had the pieces mainly done, and went to put them together, and realized….that he had measured incorrectly. So, then, the bed frame pieces sat in our hallway for the better part of 2 months. He finally, finally finished bed construction last weekend, and, while I certainly do not love the bare, scratched wood monstrosity he has created, I’m trying to be supportive because I know how much he enjoyed doing something like this.

The thing I am less supportive about? Total cost. All told, after buying wood, and replacement wood, and screws, and replacement screws, and who knows what else, the bed frame alone has cost us almost $200. BF promises that when spring comes, we can drag the thing outside and sand it a little bit and put some stain on it, in an attempt to make it a little better looking, which will only be an additional expense.

Not happy about all of this, particularly when I know I could have gotten something that I wanted at IKEA for a whole lot less money and time, but trying my best to bite my tongue and be supportive, since it was a project, and he did put a lot of effort into it.

Goals September 19, 2008

One thing that I’ve come to realize in the last few months is that I am more than a little overwhelemed by my financial situation, and the number of moving parts. I keep constantly reevaluating what I am doing, what I should be doing, what the best way to get this all paid off really is. I’ve decided that I need to stop looking at the big, overall debt picture for a little bit, and try and focus on one thing at a time.

So, what are my overall, high level goals?

1. Pay off all Credit Card Debt
2. Pay off all School Loan Debt
3. Save money for the future/a house – $25,000

Pay off all Credit Card Debt

This is certainly the most concrete of my goals. I just finished paying off my J. Crew card, and am now, finally, store-card free. This leaves me with an interesting dilema – do I attack the smallest debt first, or the one with the worst interest rate? I’ve decided to do sort of a combination of both. My Goals are as follows:

1. Pay off Chase Card – $1238.10 @ 29.99%
2. Pay off Target – apprx $500 @ 18.99%
3. Pay off Bank of America – $1953.56 @ 29.99%
4. Pay off Capital One – $3449.88 @3.99%
5. Pay off American Express – $7033.87 @11.99%
6. Pay off Citi – $15208 @16.99%
7. Pay off USBank – $21698.08 half at 0%, half at 10.99

I am hoping that once I have a few of these taken care of, without having created more debt to replace them, that I will get some offers for cards with 0% rates, and I can start the money movement game again, to save myself some interest. I keep trying to find the “quick fix”, the easy solution that will get me out of debt – and it just isn’t there. I need to be patient, and vigilant, and realize that it took me a long time to accumulate all this debt, and its going to take me a long time to pay it all off. I’m currently projecting that the USBank debt will be cleared sometime in the middle of 2012.

Pay off all School Loan Debt

I have 2 main sources of student loan debt – somewhere around $65,000 worth of federal loans, consolidated at 6.99%, and approximately $25,000 worth of private education loans, currently unconsolidated and at variable interest rates ranging from 7 – 11%. I can take 60 months of voluntary forebearance on the federal loans, and 24 months on the private loans. I put the federal loans into forebearance for a year last month, and my plan is to keep them there until 2012. I plan not to put the private loans into forebearance, and am currently paying around $176 a month for them. My plan is that after my credit card debt is retired, I attack the private loans, and have them paid off within less than a year – so, early in 2013. I also have one smaller federal loan that somehow didn’t make it into the consolidation. This loan is only at 5% interest, and its only for a few thousand dollars. I am currently paying $40/month towards this loan, which auto deducts out of my checking account every month. By the time I start attacking the private loans, I should have that smaller loan almost paid off anyway – if not, I will throw the extra money at it first, just to simplify my life a little bit.

Save $25,000

This is where things get…tricky. BF and I have had a lot of conversations about our relationship, and the future, and what our plans are. Right now, I would expect that he will propose sometime in the next year. Give us a year to plan the wedding, and that puts it sometime in the (hopefully) fall of 2010. We’ve just gone through watching his parents struggle to pay for his sister’s wedding, and we both agree that that isn’t something we would want to burden either sets of parents with. We are hoping that both sides will contribute some monetary amount towards the festivities, and that we will pay for the majority of it ourselves. We are also in total agreement that this doesn’t need to be the blow-out of the century, and that smaller is better. We desperately want to be able to afford a house sometime in the next 2-3 years.

I get paid twice a month, on the 15th and the 30th. I currently have an auto-deduct of $10/pay period from my checking to my ING savings. I’ve also anticipated what a very minimal raise (3% a year) for the next few years will get me, and rather than adding that new income into my budget, have allocated it all to go straight to savings. Now, clearly, this isn’t going to get me $25,000 in the next 3 years, but it is a sizeable start. I’ve also made up my mind that I must get a part-time job, and that if I sock away $125 extra a week, I will be able to meet this goal. Its hard to know if that is the right thing to do – to save money when you are in debt. I’ve got to assume, though, that a couple with a significant downpayment, plus $10,000 in debt, is a more attractive loan candidate than a debt-free one with no money saved.

So, my goals here are:

1. Get a part-time job
2. Save $125 a week extra in my ING savings
3. Have $25,000 in my wedding/house fund by 12/31/2011

Writing all this out is a bit scary, to say the least. But, at least I know where I stand, and what my plans for the future are. I have to escape this omnipresent feeling that the future is coming, and realize that the future is here, now – and I can do something about it!

How to manage household spending when you are cohabitating September 18, 2008

One of the biggest challenges that BF and I have faced with our new living situation is how to effectively manage household spending. We both make roughly the same amount of money (he now makes a bit more than I do, which is definitely a good thing!) and have pretty much agreed to split the expenses down the middle. But, at the same time, we don’t want to be constantly nagging each other to pay small amounts back.

I hit on a plan a few weeks ago that seems to have been working so far. We were already using a shared google document to track things that we individually had, and that we thought we needed to buy, for the new place. So, once we moved in, I just started a new spreadsheet document tracking all of our expenditures – things like the grocery store, Home Depot, party supplies, etc. Whenever one of us buys something that is for general consumption, and not for individual use, we list it on the spreadsheet. This also includes the Comcast bill, which I am paying for, and the Electric bill, which he is paying for. The spreadsheet keeps a running tally, and lets us know who “owes” each other what. The idea is, if I have currently spent more money than he has, then he buys groceries the next few times. And vice versa. I think its a pretty good solution for us – we aren’t ready to start combining and sharing our money, but we both realize that this is more than a roomates-type situation. Tracking it this way helps me to feel like I’m not being taken advantage of – its my personality to give more than my share, and its BF’s personality to be a little on the stingy side.

Lessons in Patience May 14, 2008

BF and I went to look at the aforementioned apartment last night. It was in a great location for us, as well as being fairly affordable ($1195, including all utilities). But, when I really evaluated it, it had some major flaws:

• It wasn’t a “real” condo, as in, it wasn’t front door. It was basically a glorified apartment that someone had purchased, which would mean dealing with all the things about apartments that I dislike – shared washer and dryer, people living above and below you, etc.
• Renting would be going through the individual owner, who seemed a little strange and off kilter – I couldn’t quite figure out why he was continually renting out and moving the way he was
• It was on the smaller side – apprx 800 sqf.  Not unreasonably small, but for the money, I think we could find something a bit bigger.
• It was definitely older, and had some unattractive features – including ugly plaster walls and a sort of gross living room carpet.
• Most of all, he was really looking to have it rented by June 1st.

We talked, and, yes, we could actually pull together the cash to make a June 1st move-in date happen, but the more we talked about it, the more I realized that we didn’t really want to do that. Making the move so quickly will mess up our plans for a mini-vacation at the end of the month, as well as our own personal debt reduction goals. We also wouldn’t have any “extra” money built into the savings plan yet for things like a new couch, and stocking a kitchen, meaning that most likely, I would end up having to charge those things and wait for BF to pay me back half of the money. So, while it may have seemed like a deal, for us it really was not, and I’m glad that we had the patience and foresight to realize that.

Please stop turning me into a nag May 13, 2008

The one thing about romantic relationships that always gives me a headache is, well, the financial aspect. I’ve dated guys in the past who had no concept of managing their finances, and who looked to me to provide them with large chunks of change when they got themselves in trouble (yes, I used to be both dumb and naive). I’ve also dated guys who (at the time) made twice what I did, but constantly complained about being broke, and made me feel terrible if I wasn’t paying exactly half. Its particularly hard when you get to that stage where its not just casual dating anymore, and you are living together, or planning to live together, and things start to mingle.

Thats where BF and I are now. We are going to look at an apartment tonight after work, and we are both really really excited about that. What I am less excited about is the idea that in November, his student loans enter repayment – and if he does not find a job by then that pays significantly more than what he makes now, he literally will not be able to both pay the loans and live. And I do not have enough play in my own budget to help him absorb some of the cost.

The solution, of course, is that he get a real job. And he claims that he wants to do this, but when he says things to me like “Well, if I stay here, and get a part-time job that pays an extra $250 a month, I will be able to pay for everything”. I mean, really? Its bad enough as it is that he works Saturday-Wednesday, and I work the more traditional Monday-Friday. But add in a part time job, and we will never see each other.

I just don’t know how to motivate someone without feeling like I am nagging them to death. I’ve mentioned it a million times. I’m stressing myself out about it. I need him to do this, for our relationship to survive and flourish, but mostly for himself, and I just don’t know how to make that happen.

Waiting April 14, 2008

Despite my previous post, I generally am not a very patient person. If I want something, I want it now, and its partly this impulsiveness that has gotten me into such credit card debt to begin with. I’ve never been one for sitting back and saving and waiting, but I’ve realized that all of that needs to change.

One of the things that I love most about BF, and that has really convinced me that we have a future together, is his total openness about money and finances. I knew, even before we started dating, about his massive amount of student loans. He is really good about talking to me about his finances, and sharing what is going on in his world, particularly as it affects our relationship. When we started talking about moving in together back in January, it was because he was thinking about moving in with some friends of his. He did a little preliminary research on the situation, and then came to the conclusion that one of his friends wouldn’t make such a good roommate, and the other friend was pretty close to wanting to live with his girlfriend. It was then that we started to discuss our own living situations, and the future.

We came to the decision that yes, we would move in together, but that it would be a ways off, to give us both time to get some money saved up for the inevitable first/last security, and also to make sure that our relationship was solid. Now, 4+ months later, I am starting to get impatient, in part because I feel like its a done deal, and I just need to wait, and in part because my own living situation has deteriorated rapidly in the last few months. I’m ready to move on, personally and emotionally.

We had a long talk about it Saturday night, and while my impulsiveness makes me want to make a move NOW, his rationality convinced me that we just need to stay the course for a little bit longer, and continue to follow our individual savings plans, and September will come quicker than we think. I can only hope.

Working for Free April 10, 2008

One of the things that I both admire, and that drives me absolutely crazy about my boyfriend is his dedication to his job. He has been at his current job almost 2 years – its a position not even remotely in his degree field at the University he graduated from. For the amount of student loans that he owes, and the amount of work he actually does, he is woefully underpaid. We’ve discussed this many times, and he is well aware that some of our mutual plans for the future hinge on him getting a job that will allow him to pay his own way. And yet, because he is comfortable in the current job, he stays.

The other thing that he does that drives me insane has to do with work emails. He bought an iPhone last year, and immediately put his work email account on it, despite not being on salary, or even expected to do something of the sort. He regularly checks the emails every time they beep, no matter what time of day or night it is, and no matter what other things we might be doing. He works an untypical schedule that has his days off as Thursday and Friday, and just told me today that he has already answered 15 emails today! I told him that he needs to take his work email off his phone, and stop letting this job take advantage of him. It would be different if this were a career position, that had the chance of going anywhere, or if it were salaried. But it is neither of these things, and I feel like he is giving away his free time when he does this.

The costs of an active social life April 7, 2008

One of the things that I’ve really been trying to get more of a handle on lately is how much money I/we spend on socializing with our friends. Before BF and I got together, and even for the first few months, I spent a lot of time out with my friends, and he spent a lot of time in playing video games with his friends. As time went by, we’ve managed in a lot of ways to really integrate our friend groups, and now, its not uncommon at all to have a group of 15-20 people out, some of whom are his core friends, some of whom are mine. Its usually a ton of fun, and despite the expense, I can’t really say I regret all the nights out, but we’ve both agreed that we need to work harder at prioritizing the nights out, as well as the times we blow significant amounts of money on dinner out together because we are too tired/lazy to think about cooking something.

The situation hasn’t been helped by a rather bizarre confluence of events the last month in a half. My birthday was 2/26, my best friend’s birthday was 3/7, another friend’s birthday was 3/21, BF’s birthday was 3/22, and finally, another good female friend of mine’s birthday was 4/4. It seemed like every time we turned around, there was another excuse for a huge, over the top night out, and you just don’t want to say no when its the people that you care most about. Adding to the dilemma was the fact that BF’s best friend lost his job 3 weeks ago. Now, he is by trade a chef/restaurant manager, and, despite the fact that he and his girlfriend are some of our very favorite people to hang out with, the opportunities for socializing were often few and far between due to his work schedule. So, having him around and available for the last few weeks meant that we got to spend a lot of time with them, and that we also spent a lot of money going out to eat. Luckily, just today he got word that he is starting a new job on Wednesday, so that particular extravagance should be over for a while. We also don’t have another birthday looming for over a month, so I’m hoping that we can really cut back this month and entertain ourselves at home a bit more often.

It’s definitely an ironic turn of events, because when we first met, I was very much the party/go-out girl, and he was the stay at home guy, but we’ve managed to sort of temper each other a bit, and will hopefully come to a better understanding. I’m shooting for a schedule that has us going out maybe twice a week – drinks on Thursday night at Karaoke, and either dinner or drinks/cover some other night of the week with friends. Hopefully, we can have more nights like we did last night, where we went to dinner with B&T (BF’s best friend and his girlfriend) but weren’t terribly hungry and split an entree. We also had drinks at B’s apartment both before and after dinner (we’ve provided our fair share of alcohol and mixers there!) and saved on that cost as well. All in all, we each spent $11, which I certainly can’t complain about.

Stresses April 6, 2008

I fully admit, I’ve been an absolute bitch to deal with lately. I am hugely, hugely stressed out about financial things, and I have been taking it out on BF, who has been incredibly kind and patient about my bad mood. We finally had a down night last night, and spent the night at his house drinking wine, cooking yummy food and chatting with his parents and some friends of ours. We went to bed before 11pm, and finally talked.

Right now, I live with my grandmother, and he lives with his parents. We are both ready to make some changes and move out, and have decided to move in together – We’ve been together almost a year now. We started talking about it back in January, and decided that September would be the best time to make the move – giving us both plenty of time to save up the money for security deposits and such, and also to give us some time to make sure that its the right choice for us both, that its in the best interests of the relationship.

Its now April, and I have been systematically saving a certain amount of money out of every paycheck. I’m excited about the thought of having our own place, and about building a life together, but I am very stressed out about some of the realities of the situation. Basically, BF has massive amounts of student loans to pay off. His loans are currently deferred, but he is going to have to start repaying them soon. He can’t actually make the student loan payment and still have enough money to live on even if he stays at his parents house, on his current salary, so clearly, he needs a different, significantly higher-paying job. I stress because he isn’t looking, and doesn’t seem all that concerned about starting the job search. September isn’t that far off, and if he wants our shared goals to happen, I feel like he needs to take steps now. He says that he definitely does want to move in together, and that it will all work out. I’m not so sure, and will be so disappointed and upset if it doesn’t happen the way I want it to.