The one thing about romantic relationships that always gives me a headache is, well, the financial aspect. I’ve dated guys in the past who had no concept of managing their finances, and who looked to me to provide them with large chunks of change when they got themselves in trouble (yes, I used to be both dumb and naive). I’ve also dated guys who (at the time) made twice what I did, but constantly complained about being broke, and made me feel terrible if I wasn’t paying exactly half. Its particularly hard when you get to that stage where its not just casual dating anymore, and you are living together, or planning to live together, and things start to mingle.
Thats where BF and I are now. We are going to look at an apartment tonight after work, and we are both really really excited about that. What I am less excited about is the idea that in November, his student loans enter repayment – and if he does not find a job by then that pays significantly more than what he makes now, he literally will not be able to both pay the loans and live. And I do not have enough play in my own budget to help him absorb some of the cost.
The solution, of course, is that he get a real job. And he claims that he wants to do this, but when he says things to me like “Well, if I stay here, and get a part-time job that pays an extra $250 a month, I will be able to pay for everything”. I mean, really? Its bad enough as it is that he works Saturday-Wednesday, and I work the more traditional Monday-Friday. But add in a part time job, and we will never see each other.
I just don’t know how to motivate someone without feeling like I am nagging them to death. I’ve mentioned it a million times. I’m stressing myself out about it. I need him to do this, for our relationship to survive and flourish, but mostly for himself, and I just don’t know how to make that happen.
